lilyinfj asked:

(p1) If I could, for the last anonymous feeling horrible? I wanna say, I understand. I'm someone finally unpacking all my gender issues, and realizing I couldn't want less to do with masculinity if I tried. I've left my church, and dealing with my mother is frustrating for tons of reasons. But I know it's gonna be okay. I still wouldn't go back to hiding compared to freedom I've found after. Christians like you and me are not even remotely in the minority. And day by day we stop being willing to

(p2) play by the shame and repress rules. We learn more that jesus and the bible look nothing like our christianity. We find all the ways the bible contradicts these and other lies and hold them tight to remember we’re not in the wrong on this. A big change is coming, and it’s good. Know that you’re okay and loved. And if you need a laugh, anonymous: When I half came out to my mom four days ago, she yelled the funniest thing I’ve ever heard: “DO YOU THINK JESUS WOULD HAVE WORN MASCARA??”

Thank you so much for your kind words. Last anon, take note! Jesus totally would have worn mascara!

Anonymous asked:

I just need a few verses about hope, and God's love. Dealing with a lot of depression- my church is very anti-gay and I can't just up and leave. I don't know how to reply when people say I'm turning away from God, or that I am perverted and promiscuous. I've been reading your blog for a few months now, and I understand it. It's just hard to try to explain to others who elieve I am rebelling against Gos.

Oh honey. I’m so sorry you’re going through that. It’s very hard to be in a situation where you cannot get out, for whatever reason, and have to listen to your identity being denied over and over. I wish I could tell you to ignore those people, to walk away, but sometimes that sort of thing has social implications that will just make it harder for you.

So, verses: 1 Cor 15:

When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: “Death has been swallowed up in victory.”  ”Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?” 

Psalm 88 is a great song of lament that reminds us that it’s okay to rail against God, it’s okay to angry.

Most of all, I want you to know that God loves you - God created you, God loves you, and those people in your church do not speak for God. James warns us against discrimination within the church body, and against treating people differently based on who they are. Take that to heart - they are not in a position to judge you, they do not speak life to your situation and to your identity. Only you and God need be concerned with that.

Additionally, if you find that your depression is becoming an obstacle to daily life or if you just want some help with it, I recommend speaking with your doctor about it, if you are able. For years, I thought I could just use my own strength to conquer the depression and anxiety I was dealing with, but eventually realized that I needed extra help. Speaking to a doctor can be terrifying, but it’s the best and most important thing I’ve ever done.

We’ve been fed this falsehood about what subversion is in American evangelicalism. We worship a Christ in our own image – a European, cisgender, heterosexual Christ who is more interested in making sure you don’t have to provide your employees with birth control than with whether or not you just made someone homeless by firing them because they’re gay.

Today, I went off about subversion and what that really looks like.

Anonymous asked:

Pedro Almodovar movies are great. My dad hates them because the women in Pedro Almodovar movies usually suffer violent ends, which is generally a good rule of thumb for the oeuvre. They're still really funny and have some of the best female casts at the movies. The funniest Pedro Almodovar movies (where the heroine[s] do NOT die) is WOMEN ON THE VERGE OF A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN aka <<Mujeres al borde de un ataque de nervios>>. Proof not all subtitle movies are boring/sad. (1/2)

(2/2) Follow «Mujeres al borde…» with «Abrazos Rotos» (Broken Embraces). «Mujeres al borde» is the movie-within-the-movie of «Abrazos Rotos», because it is a about people in the movies. Another good movie with Carmen Maura (star of MUJERES AL BORDE,mom in VOLVER) unrelated to Almodovar is «Como ser mujer y no morir en el intento». Another Almodovar movie with Penelope Cruz (as a pregnant nun) is ALL ABOUT MY MOTHER/TODO SOBRE MI MADRE. If only Cruz could win Oscars for such roles.

I’ve heard that one should watch Cruz in Almodovar films to get a real sense of her talent, but it seems like English-language films only want her to play the “exotic” woman sidekick type roles (cf. Sahara). I will definitely check those out because I’m super interested in seeing what she does.

fotzepolitic asked:

I read on Twitter awhile ago that you saw The Skin I Live In - on a first date no less! My question: have you had time to watch more of Almodovar's wonderful, queer cinema?

Hah, I was just talking with a friend last night about how that movie is so not a date movie. Really, REALLY not a date movie.

I’ve not seen anything else of Almodovar’s, though I’ve been told I really need to see Volver, which I’m going to look up and watch at some point. When I go for non-English language cinema, I tend to watch Eastern European/Scandanavian work (Das Leben der Anderen, Goobye Lenin!, Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, etc etc), but I deeply enjoyed Pan’s Labyrinth and Sidewalls, which are both Spanish-language dramas. (Seriously, Sidewalls is one of my favorite movies).

I need to branch out with my cinema, so if you have any recs, feel free to @ me on Twitter or shoot me an email! :)

Anonymous asked:

(SORRY IF THIS IS TMI) Piggybacking off the purity culture and killed sex drive thing, I experience that but also a completely inability to actually FEEL anything sexual, whether masturbating or with a partner. It's like all things sexual switch off after two seconds and is completely dead. I've never heard of this happening and can't find anything else about it, could that being broken and growing up in a fundamentalist home be connected or is it more likely to be purely a physical thing...?

That is outside my purview to answer, to be honest. I’d definitely recommend speaking to a doctor or a therapist about this and they may have more answers than I do. I’m sorry I can’t help more!

thegoldenwood said: My upbringing in the church led to so much magical thinking that I struggle daily to shake— I think it was simultaneously one of the causes of my first relationship falling apart, as well as the reason I stayed in it much longer than I should have.


Your experience is very similar to mine. My first relationship became very serious very quickly because I didn’t know how to do a relationship that wasn’t immediately headed toward marriage. I’ll give purity culture one thing - it’s remarkably effective in creating shame even once you’ve walked away from it. And part of the frustration is that I know the confusion I’ve experienced in dating relationships could be pointed to as a reason to court/not date/save sex for marriage.

But, I wouldn’t trade my experiences for anything - my mistakes and my confusion have led to some heartbreak, but they’ve also given me some happy experiences I’d not trade for anything in the world.

Anonymous asked:

What would you saw is the line between sexual desire and lust? We say that lust is a sin and sexual desire is innate in human beings...but what really is the difference between the two?

Lust objectifies. It uses the other person not as a person but as an object for a fantasy sexual experience. Sexual desire sees more than just the sexual/erotic possibilities. Basically, it’s the sort of thing where, if boinking actually did happen, would you be interested in conversation with that person too? If not, then you’re probably falling into lust territory because you’re probably not seeing them as a whole person.

Anonymous asked:

How do we avoid objectifying people, either in the secular way or the purity culture way?

We learn to see people as people. David Foster Wallace (RIP) delivered a wonderful speech on this topic in an address to Kenyon College in 2005 (PDF). I think I’ll just quote him here:

Here is just one example of the total wrongness of something I tend to be automatically sure of: everything in my own immediate experience supports my deep belief that I am the absolute center of the universe; the realist, most vivid and important person in existence. We rarely think about this sort of natural, basic self-centeredness because it’s so socially repulsive. But it’s pretty much the same for all of us. It is our default setting, hard-wired into our boards at birth. Think about it: there is no experience you have had that you are not the absolute center of. The world as you experience it is there in front of YOU or behind YOU, to the left or right of YOU, on YOUR TV or YOUR monitor. And so on. Other people’s thoughts and feelings have to be communicated to you somehow, but your own are so immediate, urgent, real.

But most days, if you’re aware enough to give yourself a choice, you can choose to look differently at this fat, dead-eyed, over-made-up lady who just screamed at her kid in the checkout line. Maybe she’s not usually like this. Maybe she’s been up three straight nights holding the hand of a husband who is dying of bone cancer. Or maybe this very lady is the low-wage clerk at the motor vehicle department, who just yesterday helped your spouse resolve a horrific, infuriating, red-tape problem through some small act of bureaucratic kindness. Of course, none of this is likely, but it’s also not impossible. It just depends what you want to consider. If you’re automatically sure that you know what reality is, and you are operating on your default setting, then you, like me, probably won’t consider possibilities that aren’t annoying and miserable. But if you really learn how to pay attention, then you will know there are other options. It will actually be within your power to experience a crowded, hot, slow, consumer-hell type situation as not only meaningful, but sacred, on fire with the same force that made the stars: love, fellowship, the mystical oneness of all things deep down.

I strongly encourage you to read the whole thing. It’s a pretty amazing address.

Anonymous asked:

I've always heard the concept that "our identities are rooted in Christ," but does that cancel out the other things about us? Like gender, sexual orientation, ethnicity, etc.

Ideally, identity in Christ shouldn’t cancel out anything. Having your identity in Christ doesn’t mean you stop existing as you - or it shouldn’t. Christ isn’t looking for assimilation. We are not robots created to fit some ideal that erases who we are as people. Identity in Christ should mean that we celebrate, grow, and accept who are as a person and embraces those identities which God created in us. We become more fully ourselves in God, not less human.

This is something American evangelical culture has wrong in a lot of ways - we see growing in Christ as giving up parts of ourselves “for the greater good” or whatever. And it does require sacrifice, but, I firmly believe, it doesn’t require sacrificing our identities and who we are as people. Indeed, a God that asks we change the core of who we are is a cruel God indeed.

Anonymous asked:

What does a healthy, sexual being look like?

Very good question. I think people who emotionally healthy in general have a tendency toward sexually healthy behaviors - the two are certainly tied. A sexually healthy person is one who knows and understands their own sex drive and does not use other people in their pursuit of it. It is someone who places sex in its proper place within their personal life - not spending all their time when not working thinking about how to get laid, etc. It is a person who is able and willing to talk openly about sexual activity with their partners and unafraid to know what they want and to ask for it - it is also a person willing to accept no for an answer and who will not pressure their partners into doing something they don’t want to do.

It’s all about mindfulness and balance for me - someone who approaches the experience of sex with a good idea of who they are, who their partner is, and what will create the most mutually pleasurable and consensual experience.

Anonymous asked:

What did you need to research to write your book?

I have a box in the storage room in my basement with all the Christian dating guides I had to read in research for my book. I also read lots of work on liberation theology, feminist theory, and various Bible commentaries. But the bulk of my research was Christian dating guides - DateableWhen God Writes Your Love StoryI Kissed Dating Goodbye, etc etc. I had to put them in storage because otherwise I’d freak out people who came to visit me with an entire shelf full of books proclaiming to help you find the one who God planned for you.

Anonymous asked:

I'd like to know more about purity culture's impact on people - particularly cis females who've basically killed their sex drives for it, since I'm pretty sure that's what's happened to me. Do you have any resources on what exactly that is, like a medical name, and any info on where I could start reclaiming my sexuality? As a young single person, I'm not really sure where to begin with that.

This is actually something I dealt with until I was in my 20s - I was so repressed I was basically asexual until I was 22/23. I don’t know if this has a medical name, but if you’re concerned that you’re repressed and not actually asexual (because being asexual is a possibility), I would recommend finding a therapist you can trust who can talk you through this. And you may discover that you actually are asexual and there is nothing wrong with that.

But if you’ve killed your sex drive because of purity teaching like I did, one thing that can help - that’s sworn against in purity culture - is masturbation. Honestly. Getting to know yourself - literally - can really help you figure out where your sex drive disappeared to and what turns you on. Give yourself permission to explore and you may discover that your drive was just hiding.