Anonymous asked:

Pedro Almodovar movies are great. My dad hates them because the women in Pedro Almodovar movies usually suffer violent ends, which is generally a good rule of thumb for the oeuvre. They're still really funny and have some of the best female casts at the movies. The funniest Pedro Almodovar movies (where the heroine[s] do NOT die) is WOMEN ON THE VERGE OF A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN aka <<Mujeres al borde de un ataque de nervios>>. Proof not all subtitle movies are boring/sad. (1/2)

(2/2) Follow «Mujeres al borde…» with «Abrazos Rotos» (Broken Embraces). «Mujeres al borde» is the movie-within-the-movie of «Abrazos Rotos», because it is a about people in the movies. Another good movie with Carmen Maura (star of MUJERES AL BORDE,mom in VOLVER) unrelated to Almodovar is «Como ser mujer y no morir en el intento». Another Almodovar movie with Penelope Cruz (as a pregnant nun) is ALL ABOUT MY MOTHER/TODO SOBRE MI MADRE. If only Cruz could win Oscars for such roles.

I’ve heard that one should watch Cruz in Almodovar films to get a real sense of her talent, but it seems like English-language films only want her to play the “exotic” woman sidekick type roles (cf. Sahara). I will definitely check those out because I’m super interested in seeing what she does.

fotzepolitic asked:

I read on Twitter awhile ago that you saw The Skin I Live In - on a first date no less! My question: have you had time to watch more of Almodovar's wonderful, queer cinema?

Hah, I was just talking with a friend last night about how that movie is so not a date movie. Really, REALLY not a date movie.

I’ve not seen anything else of Almodovar’s, though I’ve been told I really need to see Volver, which I’m going to look up and watch at some point. When I go for non-English language cinema, I tend to watch Eastern European/Scandanavian work (Das Leben der Anderen, Goobye Lenin!, Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, etc etc), but I deeply enjoyed Pan’s Labyrinth and Sidewalls, which are both Spanish-language dramas. (Seriously, Sidewalls is one of my favorite movies).

I need to branch out with my cinema, so if you have any recs, feel free to @ me on Twitter or shoot me an email! :)

Anonymous asked:

(SORRY IF THIS IS TMI) Piggybacking off the purity culture and killed sex drive thing, I experience that but also a completely inability to actually FEEL anything sexual, whether masturbating or with a partner. It's like all things sexual switch off after two seconds and is completely dead. I've never heard of this happening and can't find anything else about it, could that being broken and growing up in a fundamentalist home be connected or is it more likely to be purely a physical thing...?

That is outside my purview to answer, to be honest. I’d definitely recommend speaking to a doctor or a therapist about this and they may have more answers than I do. I’m sorry I can’t help more!

thegoldenwood said: My upbringing in the church led to so much magical thinking that I struggle daily to shake— I think it was simultaneously one of the causes of my first relationship falling apart, as well as the reason I stayed in it much longer than I should have.


Your experience is very similar to mine. My first relationship became very serious very quickly because I didn’t know how to do a relationship that wasn’t immediately headed toward marriage. I’ll give purity culture one thing - it’s remarkably effective in creating shame even once you’ve walked away from it. And part of the frustration is that I know the confusion I’ve experienced in dating relationships could be pointed to as a reason to court/not date/save sex for marriage.

But, I wouldn’t trade my experiences for anything - my mistakes and my confusion have led to some heartbreak, but they’ve also given me some happy experiences I’d not trade for anything in the world.

Anonymous asked:

What would you saw is the line between sexual desire and lust? We say that lust is a sin and sexual desire is innate in human beings...but what really is the difference between the two?

Lust objectifies. It uses the other person not as a person but as an object for a fantasy sexual experience. Sexual desire sees more than just the sexual/erotic possibilities. Basically, it’s the sort of thing where, if boinking actually did happen, would you be interested in conversation with that person too? If not, then you’re probably falling into lust territory because you’re probably not seeing them as a whole person.

Anonymous asked:

How do we avoid objectifying people, either in the secular way or the purity culture way?

We learn to see people as people. David Foster Wallace (RIP) delivered a wonderful speech on this topic in an address to Kenyon College in 2005 (PDF). I think I’ll just quote him here:

Here is just one example of the total wrongness of something I tend to be automatically sure of: everything in my own immediate experience supports my deep belief that I am the absolute center of the universe; the realist, most vivid and important person in existence. We rarely think about this sort of natural, basic self-centeredness because it’s so socially repulsive. But it’s pretty much the same for all of us. It is our default setting, hard-wired into our boards at birth. Think about it: there is no experience you have had that you are not the absolute center of. The world as you experience it is there in front of YOU or behind YOU, to the left or right of YOU, on YOUR TV or YOUR monitor. And so on. Other people’s thoughts and feelings have to be communicated to you somehow, but your own are so immediate, urgent, real.

But most days, if you’re aware enough to give yourself a choice, you can choose to look differently at this fat, dead-eyed, over-made-up lady who just screamed at her kid in the checkout line. Maybe she’s not usually like this. Maybe she’s been up three straight nights holding the hand of a husband who is dying of bone cancer. Or maybe this very lady is the low-wage clerk at the motor vehicle department, who just yesterday helped your spouse resolve a horrific, infuriating, red-tape problem through some small act of bureaucratic kindness. Of course, none of this is likely, but it’s also not impossible. It just depends what you want to consider. If you’re automatically sure that you know what reality is, and you are operating on your default setting, then you, like me, probably won’t consider possibilities that aren’t annoying and miserable. But if you really learn how to pay attention, then you will know there are other options. It will actually be within your power to experience a crowded, hot, slow, consumer-hell type situation as not only meaningful, but sacred, on fire with the same force that made the stars: love, fellowship, the mystical oneness of all things deep down.

I strongly encourage you to read the whole thing. It’s a pretty amazing address.

Anonymous asked:

I've always heard the concept that "our identities are rooted in Christ," but does that cancel out the other things about us? Like gender, sexual orientation, ethnicity, etc.

Ideally, identity in Christ shouldn’t cancel out anything. Having your identity in Christ doesn’t mean you stop existing as you - or it shouldn’t. Christ isn’t looking for assimilation. We are not robots created to fit some ideal that erases who we are as people. Identity in Christ should mean that we celebrate, grow, and accept who are as a person and embraces those identities which God created in us. We become more fully ourselves in God, not less human.

This is something American evangelical culture has wrong in a lot of ways - we see growing in Christ as giving up parts of ourselves “for the greater good” or whatever. And it does require sacrifice, but, I firmly believe, it doesn’t require sacrificing our identities and who we are as people. Indeed, a God that asks we change the core of who we are is a cruel God indeed.

Anonymous asked:

What does a healthy, sexual being look like?

Very good question. I think people who emotionally healthy in general have a tendency toward sexually healthy behaviors - the two are certainly tied. A sexually healthy person is one who knows and understands their own sex drive and does not use other people in their pursuit of it. It is someone who places sex in its proper place within their personal life - not spending all their time when not working thinking about how to get laid, etc. It is a person who is able and willing to talk openly about sexual activity with their partners and unafraid to know what they want and to ask for it - it is also a person willing to accept no for an answer and who will not pressure their partners into doing something they don’t want to do.

It’s all about mindfulness and balance for me - someone who approaches the experience of sex with a good idea of who they are, who their partner is, and what will create the most mutually pleasurable and consensual experience.

Anonymous asked:

What did you need to research to write your book?

I have a box in the storage room in my basement with all the Christian dating guides I had to read in research for my book. I also read lots of work on liberation theology, feminist theory, and various Bible commentaries. But the bulk of my research was Christian dating guides - DateableWhen God Writes Your Love StoryI Kissed Dating Goodbye, etc etc. I had to put them in storage because otherwise I’d freak out people who came to visit me with an entire shelf full of books proclaiming to help you find the one who God planned for you.

Anonymous asked:

I'd like to know more about purity culture's impact on people - particularly cis females who've basically killed their sex drives for it, since I'm pretty sure that's what's happened to me. Do you have any resources on what exactly that is, like a medical name, and any info on where I could start reclaiming my sexuality? As a young single person, I'm not really sure where to begin with that.

This is actually something I dealt with until I was in my 20s - I was so repressed I was basically asexual until I was 22/23. I don’t know if this has a medical name, but if you’re concerned that you’re repressed and not actually asexual (because being asexual is a possibility), I would recommend finding a therapist you can trust who can talk you through this. And you may discover that you actually are asexual and there is nothing wrong with that.

But if you’ve killed your sex drive because of purity teaching like I did, one thing that can help - that’s sworn against in purity culture - is masturbation. Honestly. Getting to know yourself - literally - can really help you figure out where your sex drive disappeared to and what turns you on. Give yourself permission to explore and you may discover that your drive was just hiding.

Anonymous asked:

Don't know if u read Slate's Dear Prudence but this wk had a letter from a married woman who recently discovered she is bi. Husband is cool but they're not planning changes - no divorce, no open marriage, etc. But she wants to tell friends/fam & he thinks she shouldnt b/c it's "irrelevant". Prudence said she shld keep it private since she's not leaving her husband. I don't think she needs to make a big announcement but why not mention if topic comes up? Otherwise, seems to imply shame. Thoughts?

Oh Prudie Prudie. She has a loooooong history of some actually terrible advice, whether it comes to questions about what to do when a friend is assaulted while drunk (answer: stop getting drunk), and other areas of feminist import. So I’m honestly not surprised by Yoffe’s response to this.

Why would coming out as bi be a need for a divorce? Why would that be the only situation in which Yoffe can see the need to come out of the closet? Basically, Yoffe has no idea what she’s talking about when it comes to queer issues and it frustrates me that bi people who are in hetero-presenting relationships are often told that their bisexuality is irrelevant or unnecessary to know about.

But if it’s important for your identity, it’s something that you can tell people about. You don’t have to have some negative consequence (like a divorce) happening in your life in order to have an excuse for coming out as bi. You can come out as bi because you’re bi. No other reason needed!

If you want a good advice column that’s actually queer-positive and useful, I definitely recommend Captain Awkward. She’s pretty amazing.

Anonymous asked:

I've been hearing a lot of good things about liberation theology(like in your last blog post, wow!) and I'd like to read some books on it. Would James Cone be a good place to start? And what book?

James Cone’s Black Theology and Black Power is a really strong, really great place to start. Gustavo Guiterrez’s A Theology of Liberation is also an important read, and there are several different feminist liberation theology readers. If you look at the sidebar on my main blog, you’ll find an Amazon wheel with recommended books for research and reading! Happy hunting!

priellan asked:

If it's triggering or too much for you to talk about, feel free to ignore this, but: I'd like to know a little more about your time in Japan. Did you experience a lot of culture shock or homesickness? How did living in a nonwhite, non-English-speaking country impact your thinking? Did you have trouble communicating?

(i apologize if the last ask sounded ignorant; when i said non-English-speaking i meant that it isn’t the first/primary language, not that no one in Japan speaks or knows it)

(It’s okay!)

Living in Japan taught me just how much I depend on white privilege in every day life in the US. In Japan, there’s a hierarchy of cultures and people because of its insular nature as an island nation and its history of colonialism and empire (not to say this doesn’t exist in the US, but that I lost my place at the top of it when I moved to Japan). The hierarchy places Japanese men at the top, and American expats at the bottom. And I’ll be honest - the helplessness that came with no longer being able to walk into a store and be able to know exactly what to say and who to ask for it was a massive stressor during that time. I already had anxiety and depression issues at the time, and not being able to communicate made it very hard for me to force myself to leave my apartment to go places.

I’m hesitant to speak ill of my workplace, but I have to acknowledge that it was a factor in my negative experience. I loved the students I worked with (and am still in contact with several of them thanks to the wonders of Facebook!). But I also suffered from a lack of support in the classroom and major culture shock for how Japanese schools function versus American schools. In America, we’re very direct and forward when we have problems or issues with something. In Japan, that kind of directness, especially to elders, considered very rude, so if students had a problem with something I said, I would find out about it through a roundabout way two days later - which was frustrating for me because I like to be able to correct and deal with problems right when they happen, not two days later.

But, I would not be who I am without my time in Japan. I do value it and, looking back, I can see some good coming out of that time of my life. And I would like to go back on a visit some day, as I wasn’t able to see nearly as much as I would have liked while I was there - despite being only an hour from Hiroshima, I never made it up there, for example. There are things that I’m still nostalgic for (the mountains! the shinkansen! the weird flavors of kit-kats!), and things I don’t think I’ll ever miss (the wet season! the ginormous bugs! the lack of actually functioning cold medicine!). In an adapted form of The Doctor’s words, it’s a pile of good things and bad things, and the bad things don’t erase the good things.

Anonymous asked:

What do you know about teachings on chastity?

Do you have a week? ;)

If this is referring to the Catholic teachings of chastity, I didn’t actually research those, as my study has focused on American Evangelical Protestant culture. If you go to my blog and search “purity” or “purity culture,” you’ll find dozens of posts on the topic.

Essentially, as an abstract concept, I’m fine if you want to be chaste as a choice for yourself. I’m not fine with it being pushed onto others as a social and religious obligation.